RBDSM + Aftercare
This is a framework for holistic conversations before intimate, sexual or power-based encounters. It ensures that the connection is not just aroused, but safe, ethical and sensory.
Dette er en struktur for helhetlige samtaler før intime, seksuelle eller maktbaserte møter. Den sikrer at forbindelsen ikke bare er kåt – men trygg, etisk og sansende.
R - Relationships (Relationships & context)
This is about what kind of relational landscape we find ourselves in.
Not just:
singel / i forhold
But:
- • What relationships are already active in your life?
- • Are you monogamous, open, poly, exploring?
- • Are there emotional or practical attachments?
- • Are you emotionally available right now?
This point protects against:
hidden attachment, projection, unspoken hopes
Good questions:
- • What kind of space do you have room for now: play, relationship, one-time meeting, exploration?
- • Is there anything in your relationship life I should know to consent wholeheartedly?
B - Boundaries (Boundaries)
Boundaries are where safety lives.
Not just:
hard limits / soft limits
But also:
- • emotional boundaries
- • energy boundaries
- • pace
- • types of touch
- • language that is ok / not ok
- • boundaries around power
Important in RBDSM:
Boundaries are not barriers, they are instructions for safe contact.
Good questions:
- • What is a clear no for you?
- • What is "maybe, but slowly"?
- • How do you notice in your body that something goes too far?
D - Desires (Longings & desires)
This is not just about what you want to do, but what will enliven you.
Here desires can be:
- • playful
- • dark
- • soft
- • spiritual
- • sensual
- • experimental
RBDSM clearly distinguishes between:
fantasy, exploration, realizable practice
Good questions:
- • What do you long to experience?
- • What ignites you: physically, emotionally, energetically?
- • What is ready to stop being held as fantasy?
S - Sexual Health (Sexual health & responsibility)
This is not shameful, it is care.
Includes:
- • when you last tested yourself
- • barriers (condom, gloves, dental dam)
- • bodily sensitivity
- • contraception
- • pregnancy
- • psychological vulnerability related to sexual contact
Sexual health = morally neutral, ethically necessary.
Good questions:
- • When did you last get tested?
- • How do you relate to protection?
- • Is there anything around sexuality that needs extra care?
M - Meaning (Meaning & intention)
This is what many forget, and which often creates pain afterwards.
Meaning asks:
- • What does this meeting mean to you?
- • Is this play, healing, transition, ritual, celebration?
- • How heavily do you carry this meeting emotionally?
Two people can desire the same thing, but assign completely different meanings to it.
Good questions:
- • What do you want this to give you?
- • What would make this nourishing for you, not just exciting?
- • What is important for you to feel whole afterwards?
Aftercare (Aftercare & integration)
This is where mature sexuality shows itself.
Aftercare is:
- • not extra
- • not optional
- • part of consent
Can be:
- • physical care
- • conversation
- • alone time
- • messages afterwards
- • affirmation
- • no-contact (if agreed!)
Many retraumatizations happen here, not during the encounter itself.
Good questions:
- • What do you need afterwards to land?
- • How does "drop" show up for you?
- • Do you want contact the next day? A week later?
Summary
RBDSM + Aftercare creates:
- • clarity before desire takes over
- • safety in power
- • less projection
- • more open vulnerability
- • deeper pleasure
- • more whole encounters
This framework fits perfectly in:
tantra spaces, temple work, conscious dating, BDSM, healing relationships, spiritual intimacy