The Wheel of Consent was created by Betty Martin and is used in Temple of Eros as a living somatic map for conscious erotic exploration.
In tantric and kinky spaces, consent is not only about what we do.
Who the action is for
Who holds power and responsibility
Where pleasure, choice, and agency actually live
Whether the body is in agreement, not just the words
The Wheel of Consent brings clarity where excitement alone can blur boundaries.
The Two Axes of the Wheel
The Wheel is built on two fundamental questions:
Who is the action for?
- • Is the action for me?
- • Or for the other?
Who is doing the action?
- • Am I doing it?
- • Or is it being done to me?
From these axes arise four distinct quadrants. Each requires explicit consent, especially when working with kink, power exchange, or heightened intensity.
The Four Quadrants
🔴 Taking
I do something for me
- • I choose
- • I take pleasure
- • I direct the action
- • Responsibility is mine
Kink examples:
- • A Dominant taking touch, control, or intensity
- • A sadist enjoying giving sensation or pain (with consent)
Key truth: Taking is only ethical when the other has clearly consented to be in Allowing.
🔵 Allowing
Something is done to me for the other
- • I permit access
- • I offer my body or presence
- • The action is not for my pleasure (even if I enjoy it)
- • I can stop at any moment
Kink examples:
- • Submission
- • Being restrained or directed
- • Being used within negotiated limits
Allowing is not passive. It is an active, empowered gift of permission.
🟢 Giving
I do something for you
- • My action is for your experience
- • I offer care, service, attention
- • Responsibility remains with me as the giver
Examples:
- • Conscious touch or massage
- • Service-oriented kink
- • Holding space, tending, supporting
In Temple of Eros, we name this: Devotional giving, not people-pleasing.
🟡 Receiving
Something is done to me for me
- • I receive
- • The pleasure is mine
- • I am the focus
- • I hold responsibility for my experience
Examples:
- • Receiving touch for your own pleasure
- • Being dominated as nourishment
- • Being celebrated, witnessed, adored
This quadrant is often the most challenging, especially for trauma-conditioned nervous systems.
Why the Wheel Is Essential in Tantra & Kink
Most boundary confusion, harm, or retraumatization in kink spaces happens when:
Taking is mistaken for Giving
Someone believes they are Receiving but are actually Allowing
Responsibility is unconsciously transferred
The body freezes or fawns while the mouth says "yes"
The Wheel of Consent restores:
Clarity
Somatic safety
Erotic depth
Integrity in power exchange
The Temple of Eros Principle
In Temple of Eros:
Every interaction is consciously placed in a quadrant
Roles may shift, but only with clarity and pause
Identity labels (Dom, Sub) never replace consent
Consent is situational, not assumed
We do not only ask:
"Is this allowed?"
We ask:
"Which quadrant are we in, and does the body agree?"
A Crucial Truth
Consent can be verbally accurate and somatically false.
The Wheel of Consent helps us:
- • Listen beneath reflexive "yes"
- • Recognize freeze, fawn, and over-adaptation
- • Place responsibility where it belongs
- • Explore power without self-abandonment
Integration in Temple of Eros
The Wheel of Consent is used as:
Onboarding education
Pre-event orientation
In-scene check-ins
Post-scene integration
A shared language for repair and accountability
Above all, it reminds us: Eroticism without clarity is not freedom.